Surprise: I stress a lot.

I've discovered that being employed on temporary contracts, job hunting, and having to face the unknown are all things that are not helped by having depression.

Shocking, isn't it? 

You'd think I be used to it by now, this is my third year going into the busiest term of the year and not knowing if I'll have work next year. 

And to be fair, I haven't coped well the past two years, although last year wasn't too bad. But I am really not coping. 

At the moment, with my psychologist, we've covered unhelpful forms of thinking, just really trying to pinpoint the forms of thinking that I tend to... you know, think; and where they come from.

There's a few forms of thought that I can attribute to all the crap I went through in school, and my awful self-esteem. There's one I know comes from my mother.

Basically, the past 2 sessions there's been a lot of talk about my family, and how I feel about myself, so there has been a lot of tears. Many, many tears.

At the moment, that's what we're dealing with. My crappy self-esteem and that I basically hate myself. 

OK, that's probably too strong. I don't hate myself. I just have zero confidence in myself and any good qualities/talents/skills/whatever I may have. 

You'll be happy to know from my last entry that I am no feeling low. Well, I was the other day, but that was hormones.

I did have to have 2 days off work, because I couldn't face going in, but then I felt much better- and I had lots of sleep which also helped. Last weekend I was very productive and got heaps done, which made me feel really good. I was hoping that would happen again this weekend, but not so much.

The next step is I have to go back to my GP and get a mental health review before my last 4 sessions with the psychologist (we only get 10 a year before we have to pay heaps. Which I don't have). 

I think we're making progress though... I think. Maybe. Baby steps.